Dear Abby: Parents want to improve relationship with daughter, who has a ‘pothead/never-held-a-job’ beau

DEAR ABBY: My spouse and I have been happily married for 31 years. However, we have a strained relationship with our daughter “Willa.” Although we don’t like her pothead/never-held-a-job boyfriend of four years, we’ve tried to accept him. We even paid for a family vacation and included him.
I’ll admit we were hard on Willa growing up, but we always said she could live at home while going to school. She’s a hard worker, and we have told her how proud we are of her accomplishments. She’s going to school, works two jobs and has never needed anything from us.
We see our daughter only on special occasions. We did family therapy to help our relationship, but she stopped going when the boyfriend came into the picture. My question is: How can I have a good relationship with my daughter? — MISSING IT IN NEW MEXICO
DEAR MISSING IT: You created a daughter who is self-reliant, hardworking and independent, and who likely distanced herself from you because you were so “hard” on her while she was growing up. I don’t know whether I should congratulate you or commiserate with you, but as far as having a close relationship with your daughter, that ship may have sailed — unless you can convince Willa to get back into family therapy with you.
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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.